In all seriousness - although I have no evidence, I believe the US has anti-satellite weapons in orbit.
The first target in many war scenarios is the satellite constellation of an opponent (if they have one) - to blind them.
We know that technology to
conceal satellites from ground observation has existed
for decades.
I think they'll have some form of
micro sleeper satellites, with stealthy coatings or inflatable shields, perhaps with small explosive charges or simple kinetic weapons that wouldn't breach current space treaties - and could be tasked at short notice to take out an opponents IMINT or SIGINT satellites.
Others also appears to be
exploring the same technology.
Ground based ASAT missiles have limitations even attacking satellites in LEO, and GEO orbit satellites are effectively out of their reach.
They're out there... I tell ya...!