It's a long, sorry episode and this seems like an odd thread to mention it but I will anyway.
It's the sort of thing that people would have been afraid to mention a few years back and I felt the same initially but now I'll tell anyone who'll listen.
Basically during my previous tour (based in Canada) I developed a fear of flying solo. It festered for some time until I eventualy confessed during an annual medical. I had put it down to a fear of death after attending one too many funerals (Eggman's seemed to be the tipping point for me). So I turned up at the special place that we don't like to talk about and started down an unknown path.
After many sessions of talking and soul searching it became obvious that my trigger for my fears was Break Off. I could relate to the fact that the first time I had experienced it was back on the Jaguar (pure coincidence that it was on the Jaguar, it is not specific to this aircraft type) at medium level over the Med' on a hazy day.
I only noticed it very infrequently over the next few years but it came to a head in Canada. Vast, featureless airspace and relatively benign sorties (bouncing medium level intercepts when you fly in circles for several minutes waiting for the next commit) led to my brain wandering. It basically felt like the jet was going to tip over and I would start to panic. It's a very unpleasant feeling and completely irrational.
When we are more junior we are so busy just keeping the aircraft flying that we don't have time to contemplate life whilst flying. As you become more experienced this changes. The other problem is that as FJ pilots we are control freaks and we love to reason things out. My brain then rationalised that it was a fear of crashing (G-LOC specifically) and that as long as there was someone in the other seat I'd be alright. Luckily there were always spare and willing students to fill the seat. Sadly I was completely wrong and preventing myself from being cured.
Anyway, I finally decided enough was enough and over a six month period I learned what the problem was and how to deal with it. I can now fly solo several times a day. I would say I'm 99% cured. It can still happen but now I am aware of what it is I can give myself a stiff talking to and carry on. It helps to stay busy in the cockpit. Luckily in my current jet there are lots of screens to play with and the local topography is slightly more varied than my previous locale.
It can happen to anyone and at almost any time. The Docs have seen instances from pilots of all aircraft types and apparently long distance lorry drivers are particularly susceptible. It's the sensory constancy that does it. Busy brains need stimulus and when we don't get it we just start thinking too much.
If I had to bring out a major lesson from the whole thing it would basically be to steal a tagline from BT: "It's good to talk". If I'd talked about it sooner (sadly us FJ pilots are great talkers but sh1t listeners) it would never have snowballed into the big issue it became. When I eventually faced up to it the first person I spoke to was my wife. That alone felt like an enormous weight off my shoulders. It just got better from there.
So, in summary, BV went mental but he's better now. Mental health issues eh? It would never happen to you would it?
BV
