A few stories...
An F-14 Exchange Radar Intercept Officer (RIO) had a curry in the delightful Shalimar the night before the trail home from Akrotiri. Somewhere over the Mediterranean he had to ask the pilot to put his ejection seat pins and he put his in. Then he proceeded to undress in the back cockpit of the F3 and deficate in one of the white packed lunch boxes. Apparently, to his credit, he did not make any mess in the cockpit. If I recall correctly someone rolled inverted over the top of the jet to get a photo for the Sqn diary.
Lady Navigator issued a nappy and tried to use it over the desert but many years of toilet training meant that she just couldn't wet herself. So the kind Squippers made her up a device by gluing an oxygen mask to a length of oxygen hose and blanked off the rest of the holes: "Hey Presto!" She could now use the gents pee bags. It worked in a similar way to the white "Lady J" adaptor to the light aircraft's "Little John" pee bottle in the picture below:
Another funny one. Whilst operating as a 4-ship of F3s somewhere in the Atlantic off the coast of Portugal the lead Nav gets a call of nature where the "turtle is starting to get inquisitive!". We have all been eating lots of spicey Tapas and washing it down with Gallons of Baileys in the local riverside bars in Seville for the past fortnight and most of us are not having to push to hard to evacuate our bowels! Anyway, the pilot declares to the Portuguese controller that he has an in-flight emergency with his navigator and requests direct track to Moron AFB where we are operating from - the controller is very helpful and we make a 550-600kts transit direct line as a 4-ship. On the tactical inter formation frequency everyone is chatting to the stricken Nav who explains that he is about to explode in his immersion "goon" suit that we are wearing as we are operating so far out in the ocean. All is going well until we we break into the circuit at the airfield and the Nav yells on frequency "it's too late!". The engineers are listening to the tactical ops frequency and know what is wrong so they meet the Navigator at the bottom of the aircraft steps with a water fire-hose and push it in past his neck seal and turn it in full blast. Result - Navigator now clean...
On TACEVAL I was scrambled and went to the tanker about 2 times. Not expecting this I hadn't had my pre-sortie pee. I told the handling pilot that I needed to go and neither of us had pee bags so he said he would take it easy. Somewhere near Flamborough Head, he spotted a 4 ship of Jags en route at low level towards Coltishall. Exclaiming "Targets of Opportunity" he rolled and pulled towards them. The pain in my bladder/sphynchter was excruciating and promptly put my arm/hand out to grab something and pushed the glass into the radar display and broke it - as we unloaded and rolled out I said, "mate, I think we need to knock it off I've just broken the screen in the back and there is glass everywhere". That did the trick and I had a pee in the Hardened Aircraft Shelter (HAS) drain within 15 minutes!
Finally, I flew with a pilot who needed to go for a pee ~6 times on a 10 1/2 hour transit from Alaska to UK. He had to reuse his 2 pee-bags and one of my 2 as well! So it is quite common to use these on a transit for some.
LJ