Ah, yes ....
The funny thing was that although the name of the outfit was Bristow Helicopters Nigeria, Ltd. the guys in the bar in Lagos, for many years our only fixed-wing base, seemed to think that helicopter pilots were some lesser breed, almost as low as we Twin Otter pilots.
When the "Glass Cockpit Commandos" showed up with their Dornier 328s it got pretty heavy, some nights.
We used to sneak up on this annoying little plastic model of a 328 that this one British Bullfrog had put on display and turn its wings around backwards, to his considerable annoyance. In fact, he went purple and looked as if he was ready to have a stroke, every time he saw that it had been desecrated. I told him to take it away before something really bad happened to it but he never listened to a mere Twotter driver, as I was then. Then the engineers struck, Aralditing its wings on backwards! He went mad after that. Well, "madder," I suppose.
One night in the bar our friend Neddy Hold-On told me that I was going to bust my next prof check. The bar went quiet then, as I asked why that might be.
"Two of us have to renew our CAA Check Captain qualifications, so that these checks are different. They are to be flown to proper British standards with a CAA observer. These are not the usual standards, what we use for you people on our Nigerian operation."
"I see .... So, what is the big difference?"
"The CAA is very strict about altimetry, something you probably are not properly trained in. Never mind, though; the next day I shall give you a check done to the standards you can meet."
You can imagine how I felt being told that in front of a bar full of frenemies, but I just nodded and took another pull on my pint, a very long pull on my pint.
On the day of the dreaded CAA checkride it was me and the British Bullfrog, when I went first. The first level-off after initial climb was something to see, the sim jittering about as I tried to settle at 35-hundred feet on QNH, hand-flown of course. Then I just thought to myself, "Relax and just fly the damned thing; you know how to do that, CAA or no CAA." The rest of the ride went okay, actually.
We took a short break after two hours and then swapped seats, when it was the Bullfrog's turn. He got a single-engine ILS approach with a single-engine go-around, cleared to, yes, 35-hundred feet, when the 328Jet really performs on one engine!
There I was being a good FO, calling out, "300 feet to level-off, check rate of climb; passing three thousand five hundred feet on QNH, check rate of climb; three hundred feet above assigned altitude, check rate of climb ....." but the Bullfrog was doing one of those "Great Stone God" numbers over there in the left seat, basically ignoring me as if to show that I knew nothing. Flying that way we ended up at something like four thousand feet, still on QNH, until we did a bunt.
In the debrief I was told that I had passed, that it was a good ride. The poor old Bullfrog, though, his ride was an altitude bust!
I am not as stupid as I look; I never said a word about this to Neddy.
Last edited by chuks; 10th Oct 2016 at 12:32.