I can't say the two individuals banging the "I'm in charge and you'd better not forget it" drum are impressing me with their attitude. ATC don't know the detail of what is going on in any cockpit, but they have a better overview (normally) of what is going on outside of it, and they don't issue instructions pointlessly. Of course the final decision rests with the pilots, especially the commander, allowing you to ignore an instruction that is dangerous, but that is about it - if you can't justify the refusal on safety grounds, then you will quite reasonably be in a world of trouble. Some ATC units are better than others and more error prone. Some are overzealous. But all need compliance unless they are endangering you. The bad ones also need tolerance or even sufferance, but not some arrogant buffoon ignoring their instructions.