TO all those who bemoan the apparent demise of Winstun, who came, who saw and who illuminated the world with his insight and modest charm, I apologise for any part I may have played in driving this superior being from our midst.
But fear not, for Winnie is amongst his flock - the 'silent majority' - who are better able to (silently) appreciate his attributes.
In memory of this great character who gave of himself so freely for the "betterment of aviation", I propose the establishment of the "Wit and Wisdom of Winstun" foundation (website at www,WWW,com, of course), to better enable the world to experience this exceptional human being (if that is indeed what he was).
The foundation's aim would be to spread the "Gospel According to Winstun" to less enlightened shores, converting the heathen yobbos to the cause.
First order of business:
The education of the unwashed masses in Winstunian logic and statistics.
It has been established by the master himself that approximately 7% of the Australian population suffer from some form of alcoholic dependence. As pilots are representative of the Australian population, the application of Winstunian logic dictates that 7% of Australian pilots are similarly afflicted. This is cause for serious concern.
Perhaps of more concern, but not raised by the Dalai Winstun (for fear of alarming the public), is the fact that application of Winstunian logic proves that the flying public are at greater risk than ever before thought possible.
Consider these terrifying facts. Next time you board an airline flight, you have:
- A 16% chance that your pilot is below the age of 8 and cannot reach the rudder pedals
- A 0.4% chance that your pilot is over the age of 100
- A 3.2% chance that your pilot is paraplegic or quadriplegic
- A 17.6% chance that your pilot just 'got some'.
- A 0.0000045% chance that your pilot just received a "friggin' bone"
- A 2.1% chance that your pilot is completely blind (Note, this refers to eyesight, and not the original alcohol related risk, which remains at 7%)
- A 99.78% chance that your pilot has does not have even one ATPL
Lest this cause mass panic and the immediate closure of the world air travel industry, it should be noted that there is only a 1 in 6,230,772,976 chance that your pilot will in fact be Winstun. A recent survey of the travelling public revealed that, faced with these statistics, 94.6% of respondents chose the possibility of a drunk, blind paraplegic eight-year old over option B. It should be noted, however, that the silent majority did not.
Second order of business:
The establishment of the Winstunian School of Linguistics
It is apparent that the unwashed masses are not as well versed in the fine art of languages as is our fearless leader. It will be an immediate aim of the School to advance the teaching of Latin to all Winstunians. This will have three immediate and tangible benefits:[list=1][*]Should any Winstunian ever find himself in a similar situation to 'our dear leader - Kim Yung Winnie' on 'covert operations' in Latin America, familiarity with the local language will be of immeasurable benefit.[*]Yobbos will be able to understand the Kaptin's reference to
quid pro quo, rather than embarrass themselves looking for a one-pound hooker.[*]By spreading the concept of Winstunian spelling, it will soon 'seam' that those who are continuously 'refering' to spelling are in fact suffering from 'dellusions'. They will soon realise that Winstunian spelling is the only 'tru blu' variety and will eventually take over the world in a (silent) revolution.[/list=1]
Remember, there are three types of people in this world: Those who understand Winstunian Logic and those who do not.
”What do we want?!”
“A friggin’ bone!!!!!”
“When do we want it?!”
“Now!!!!!”
“What do we want it for?!!!!”
“Um, er…. Well it’s really for a ‘friend’, who enjoys that sort of thing…. In the privacy of his own home….. amongst consenting adults….. not that there’s anything wrong with that….!”