Try this bit of inter service banter - well Army/RAF really
Air Mobility
(A game for 500 or more players)
Air Mobility is a game of skill played between two teams of military personnel. The first team, called “The Army” is normally represented by an infantry battalion, whilst the second team, called “The Air Force” is drawn from any section of the Royal Air Force Movements organisation. The game is played on a four-dimensional board (to be purchased separately) and involves the movement of the first team by the second from one corner (“the departure airfield”) to another corner (“the destination”). Progress across the board is subject to a series of handicaps.
Play is initiated by an external agency called “The Central Staffs”. The unit to be moved and its destination will be selected at random to achieve maximum surprise and, regardless of the notice actually available, the two teams are to be informed only at the last moment for the move to remain feasible.
Following the signal of “play”, each team endeavours to score points off the other until the destination is reached, the air force runs out of serviceable aircraft or the army runs out of troops. The Army may also resign by adapting its exercise to the Salisbury Plain Training Area.
Points are awarded for each development in the play.
During the basic planning the Army scores 50 points if it can persuade the RAF to emplane the unit at an airfield anywhere within convenient distance of the unit’s camp. The score is doubled should the airfield be devoid of facilities or normally confined to light aircraft. The Air Force likewise may gain 50 points if the Army is forced to leave from Brize Norton or Lyneham, the score being increased by one point for each mile the road journey exceeds the subsequent air move.
The payload quoted by the Army in planning should in no way resemble the freight actually delivered for loading. The manifests should be so worded, however, that no formal reproach is possible subsequently between parenting headquarters. Should the Air Force be able to identify such a discrepancy it will gain 20 points, or 50 if correspondence reaches Brigadier level.
When allotting aircraft to the airlift, the Air Force gains 20 points for each Hercules it is permitted to task in the full passenger role. A bonus is awarded for flights of over six hours. This score may be doubled if the Hercules is overtaken in flight by a Tristar carrying the Army’s freight or a chartered civilian airliner carrying the Air Force servicing crews.
Both Army and Air Force formations may issue conflicting orders at any stage prior to departure. Twenty points will be awarded for any major amendment so timed that the other team’s internal administration is held to blame for ignorance of a change in time, day or airfield of departure.
Experienced players will appreciate that the time of arrival of the Army unit at the airfield and the time of departure of the aircraft will bear minimal resemblance to any published information. The Army may claim one point per minute by which the time interval is shortened; the Air Force may claim one point per minute by which the Army have been made to arrive unnecessarily early. Either side may make full use of such phrases as “all times Alpha” or “all times Zulu” discretely hidden as footnotes in an Annex.
The Army will be permitted to load freight onto aircraft but the Air Force may, at their discretion, apply a handicap by insisting on responsibility for supervision. The Army is awarded 50 points for each aircraft fully loaded on time and about which the captain is unable to find a valid reason for demanding reloading or relashing. This eventuality is of course exceptional. The Air Force will normally allocate troops to individual aircraft and so ensure that no chalk is ever coincident with a recognisable sub-unit; they may then claim one point for each soldier separated from his company.
Each soldier is to be briefed at platoon, company and battalion level as to his individual baggage allowance and forbidden articles. This information is to be repeated by the ATLO, Duty Air Movements Officer and the Air Loadmaster. Ten points will be awarded to each soldier who exceeds his baggage allowance by at least 20% and a further ten points can be claimed by any man reaching the aircraft steps openly carrying a Hexamine stove, butane lighter or thunderflash.
In the event of unserviceability of the aircraft en route, the Air Force will be penalised for overnight delays at Gander, Masirah, Ulan Bator or similar locations. Points may be recouped however if the crew can declare the aircraft unserviceable at Nairobi, Hong Kong or Hawaii. The Air Force may seek a bonus if they can persuade the Army to remain in the Movements Lounge all day on the pretext of imminent rectification of the fault and departure. Should the aircraft finally become serviceable, points are to be doubled if insufficient crew duty time remains and a further twelve hours rest for the crew may be justified.
Further opportunities for scoring may occur if an overnight delay takes place and the Army are required to use transit accommodation. The Air Force gains one point for every man allocated to a room in excess of its normal capacity. Twenty points are granted if the unit commander and his batman are allocated to the same room. The Air Force gains a further bonus if, simultaneously, the crew can arrange accommodation at an hotel in the city centre: scoring will increase with the hotel’s star rating up to a maximum of 50 for the local Hilton. Most crews will of course gain on this play.
On arrival at the destination both the Army and Air Force have equal opportunities for scoring. A prompt arrival at the destination planned is valued exceptionally highly at 50 points for the Air Force. The Army may reduce this figure by one point for each item of baggage mislaid; this has proved to be an appropriate weighting to achieve parity. The Air Force may nevertheless claim ten points if it can be announced that the unit commander’s baggage was off-loaded somewhere en route. The score is twenty if it is in fact true.
On arrival of the last chalk, aggregate points are compared. Should the Air Force win, they may commence the return play with a 200 point bonus. Should the Army win, they may opt to return by sea. In any event the game will prove to be one of a series.
It will be perceived that the game is open to infinite variation. It is a war game that may be played throughout times of peace. It is, however, deserving of a final accolade; it completely defies operational analysis, team management or resolution by digital computer. Can one say fairer than that?
Acknowledgment:
This account was written by Wg Cdr M J W Lee circa 1973