Thunderous applause...
...greeted the recent announcement that the enquiry into the need for another runway at Heathrow is to consider all other UK airports and options. The enquiry will be conducted by the former Master of the Scrolls, His Honour the Lord Strut of Oleo, and is expected to have reached its conclusions in as short a period as 25 years, but in an earnest endeavour to further accelerate the decision-making process Lord Strut has already set out the enquiry's main conclusions, which he has summarised as follows:
1) The challenge - how to best improve the UK's aeronautical infrastructure for the common good, within the constraints of current planning, economic and financial considerations.
2) The solution - a muti-faceted approach to include the following radical innovations:
(a) On the ground. The extension and combination of key airports into one or more super-airports by incorporating all existing runways, motorways and other transport resources together, thus eliminating the need to actually travel to the airport. People would live within it and their travel and all other requirements would be met within the perimeter of the airport, which would become a totally integrated community in its own right, linked as necessary to other super-airports by benign high-speed computer controlled driverless robot-directed transporters.
(b) In the air. Manufacturers to be encouraged to maximise aircraft passenger carrying ability by, for example, much greater use of so-called 'soft' passenger compression techniques, including strapping, layering, and tranquillising, together with subliminal or implanted messaging to reinforce the pleasures of the air-travel experience. Aircraft passenger capacities could further be enhanced by providing opportunities to enjoy exterior wing and fuselage-mounted seating or strap-hanging arrangements on many short sector routes. That should appeal to a new generation of low-cost entrepreneurs who could be franchised by main carriers on an ad-hoc basis to also offer aerial towing opportunities for either commercial or private passenger or freight pods. Air traffic arrangements should also be modified to include computer-controlled synchronised landing and take-off 'convoy' streams to maximise aircraft movements.
Who pays? Clearly, to enable aircraft manufacturers, airport operators, airlines and all the other associated machinery of commerce to maximise appropriate returns on their development, innovation and application costs passengers and all other airport users will be required to make the major contribution. This, however, would be overseen by a new independent air-travel regulatory body, strictly mandated to maximise efficiency, profit and consumer satisfaction whilst remaining firmly outside the constraints of central government or any other involvement.
The benefits. The public and, in fact, all air travel and transport users will be able to enjoy their work, rest, leisure and other requirements within the compass of the new super-airport without worries about inter-hub delays, congestion or any other difficulties. This will serve to promote a new, true Democracy of the Air. A very rosy prospect indeed.
The public are invited to submit comments and suggestions through the usual channels