Dear Mr Sinch,
May I call you Abbott ? Now about those 3rd Runway Proposals.
Many thanks for your unabashed support from North Of the border for my report in respect of a 3rd Runway down here in blighty. Absolutely Splendid stuff, oh and thanks for the kilt by the way. Had no idea there was a Davies clan !
Do pass on my thanks to Mrs Sturgeon as well.
Like you she clearly doesn't believe in reading small print so just in case you missed everything which you clearly did, I will reiterate a few things here.
Now I am sure you are aware of the bold facts as it seems is everybody and are fully supportive of my proposals on that basis, there are however some small trifling details (£20Bn) which we still need to iron out.
As you are aware Juan is leading our "Spanish Team" and is picking up the tab for the tarmac but we still need a few bob for some minor road and rail improvements. These are minimal but I have listed the details below
M4 J3 to J4 Road widening
M4 Airport Spur Road widening
M4 J2 to J3 Road widening
M4 J4 and J4B Road widening
M4 Large M4 Junction 4b replacement
M4 Higher capacity @ M4 J4a
M4 Capacity improvements to existing main airport tunnel
M25 M25 tunnelling costs (south of junction 15)
A4 Diversion of A4 road alignment, dual carriageway
A3044 Diversion of A3044 road alignment, dual carriageway
Airport Roads Airport Way/Southern Perimeter Road, interchange, grade-separated junction and
flyover/bridge structures
Heathrow Road Tunnel Southern Road Tunnel/Southern Perimeter Road Interchange
Airport One Way One way system for western campus
Rail - Southern Rail Access to Staines
Alongside these proposals I've also thrown in the concept of a new ‘hub station’ on the Great Western Main Line (GWML) to the north of the airport boundary. This would be located close to Iver and would be linked to the airport by a direct Automated People Mover (APM). The objective would be to provide enhanced rail access to the airport, with all services on the GWML stopping at
the hub station,
I'm sure you will agree, superficial stuff really !
Now don't say anything to those bloody Mancunians who are continually going on, and on, and on about something called Northernpowerhouse, not a clue what that is, irony is I’m a bloody Manc myself ho, ho, anyway it seems they want some basic road/rail improvements as well !
Whisper it but I have managed to "have a word" with George.
At the last meeting he had with them they were banging on about decrepit rolling stock, trains not working, overcrowding etc sounds bloody awful,
Bit like the chaos we had on the underground last week except they have it 7 days a week !
Thank God we have Crossrail 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, down here. If things get really bad I will pop down to that sports hall we built near Greenwich or maybe thru Le Tunnel for a spot of déjeuner washed down with a large red
....anyway I digress, he managed to raid the tea trolley, when they were not looking and has nicked £230million, putting things into context its 2% of OUR budget but hey, every little helps doesn't it.
Now despite what I have said earlier all this work down here won't come cheap and your probably thinking wouldn't it be nice to spend a fraction of that £20Bn on some direct investment here in Glasgow.or Manchester, Edinburgh, Newcastle, Durham, Leeds, Liverpool, Sheffield, Plymouth, Exeter, Humberside etc
The answer is of course an emphatic NO !
What in effect we we are looking for are the additional benefits for us in the South East of what George describes as “trickledown” !
i.e. lots of immediate investment in off shore bank accounts for Consultants, lawyers, accountants etc.
The benefits to you guys “Up North” will of course filter through eventually, (circa 20 years, if you are very, very lucky, which you won't be !)
Now I must confess there are some hidden costs, these are highlighted in my report in a section called “hidden costs”, I hadn't factored in a full terminal repaint this will be mostly orange, although there are rumours it may now also contain a splash of blue and yellow, we may also be forced into selling copious amounts of Guinness and changing the emblem over the Southern road tunnel to a harp !
Mr Walsh at London Airways is said to be less than thrilled by this news........!
In closing I have to report that Mr Beard who instigated my capacity increases much earlier than I had hoped has decided that these increase are not viable, and has inexplicably cancelled all further expansion , clearly Mr Beard should have read my report first !!!
In the interests of transparency and total obscurity I am also going to C.C. Millbank, is that OK ?
I will directly copy in Mr Burnham MP for Leigh Gtr Manchester (Or should that be Windsor).
They seem equally blind to the benefits of costs, sorry I mean expansion too !
Bye For Now
Yours Sincerely
Howard D. McSporran
Last edited by Bagso; 12th Jul 2015 at 08:31.