Big Pistons Forever (and Amen to that, say I),
Your #30512: A bit hard, I thought. What is "fair"? ("What is Truth"?), said Pilate - both unanswerable questions). As beauty is in the eye of the beholder, Humour is in the mind of the of the hearer. Life is not "fair", anyway. Chacun a son gout ! (But then, you had your tongue in your cheek, didn't you !) But what the Umpire says is final.
Must echo Coffman Starter (#30514): "Happy Canada Day to you BPF old chap". Will put it in my diary (might live that long! - but wouldn't put money on it).
Danny.
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To business: now the Day of Judgment is come. After much deep thought, and after closely examining the entrails, by the authority vested in me, I now pronounce as follows:
In close line astern, then, No.3 (Buster) receives Honourable Mention with:
"Hello Darlin'...what brings you running into the cockpit like this?" Note #
He is in the propwash of No.2 (Nutloose), Proxime Accessit with:
"Is that the Skipper at the cockpit door?"
"Yeah, and he don't look 'appy"
"Why's that?"
"Well 'e was on the Elsan down the back"
But the Laurel Crown and the No.1 spot must surely go to:
(treadigraph) for his: "
More Hastings less speed eh, Hoskins?"
Over to treadigraph goes the Poisoned Chalice.
I have spoken, let no dog bark!
Now I call upon all here present to raise a cheer for the unnamed hero of the piece, who has (through no fault of his own) provided us with one of the best pictures ever. Hip, Hip........
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Note #: (True Story?): Somewhere in Oz they were coming in on a GCA. To interest the pax, he had patched the talkdown onto the cabin speakers. After landing, he forgot that the patch was still in place, said to the First Officer: "
Strewth - I could do with a cold beer and a hot shiela !"
Hostie galloped up the aisle to tell Captain his mike was still live.
Voice from the back:
"Don't forget the beer !" 
Danny42C