When the Red Arrows lived at Kemble, the trips they went on with Albert support always ended there to offload all their Eng support equipment before the 10 minute hop back to Lyneham for the wind down pop in the Lyneham Lanes Bowling Alley.
We had been on a much remembered trip to St Yan in France, Pisa Italy, Malta, Naples, and Germany before returning to RAF Sleepy Hollow in Glos.
Imagine our surprise to find a Customs Rummage Crew waiting on the pan. The ensuing mayhem in the freight bay was pandemonium.
Once the sparrows groundcrew had disembarked we did a FOD plod to be helpful and found contraband in the strangest places.
The unsmiling Customs blokes then swept the aircraft for more with the final straw directed at me. "You! where is the switch to jettison the drop tanks?"
Me, "If you have a tool kit you can unbolt them but there is no "Jettison switch. They are External Tanks not Drop Tanks"
Him, "Don't you obstruct an officer of Her Majesty's Customs and Excise"
Me, "Speak to the Ground Eng and he will draw off a sample from the tanks for your delectation"
Him, "I will impound this aircraft and the crew if you don't comply with my order"
Me. Before you do that please talk to customs at Lyneham or you might appear more of a ladies front bottom than you do already"
Short chat with Lyneham customs
"You are free to go"
Us "Thank you Sir"
We still had to go through customs again at Lyneham half an hour later.
They are all bas****s really.
