Ok I've got it......
Here's my plan folks, and it's really simple, it's gonna work so please indulge me;
From now on nobody needs to ever file an ASR in EK unnecessarily again. For your pleasure, I have designed and will be shortly submitting to Safety and Fleet a revised format to the company VR. Both sides of the form are now blank, save for one small box on the back which has a space for a tick to be placed into this box. Beside the box is the statement "would any company department like me to file a report on today's flight for any reason whatsoever?"
No need for info on APU, single engine taxi, reverse thrust, state of mental health or speed below 5000'......
Now obviously if you do not receive an email within two working days of your flight, confirming the need to report, you have now done your bit. Transfer the liability, take back your command ladies and gents. Seize the power!
(For those a little unsure of the true intent of this suggestion, please consult dictionary definition of 'satire').