I hope SAC Johnson will eventually have his intestinal damage reconnected.
Unfortunately, I believe that it can take some time for the peristaltic (Sp?) waves to get going again.
In the meantime, I hope my nearby Army contact hasn't heard the story.
I've already had:
Jammed RAF Browning - "You have to clean them, y'know!"
RAF survival training - "That's a curious place to go looking for a 5 star hotel!"