Very interesting and rightfully stated above very "eventful".
There is a saying. "One who is not courages to take risk in life accomplishes nothing in life. If you keep trying eventually you can get there. But the key is keep trying. As much as your story is demoralising for perspective pilots only because you decided to give up after trying for many years but we should all still die trying. Don't give up. Its just not going to be fair on you!!!