Smudge,
You told me once in the RAFA club in Swindon that you were retiring to the Lake District. Can I assume that this did not last/never happened? As far as a certain brand of corned beef is concerned, I suspect the bling to be as fake as that tan he had which gave him an orange hue in the mess (before I went across the playing field). I reckon that much lead would indeed weigh the door to jack stall.
TTB