Quite a few years ago, a fellow instructor had a birthday celebration where he decides he would throw a dinner party. Now knowing that this bloke was a terrific guy, a great pilot and all that.........he couldn't boil water.
So with some trepidation his workmates and I trouped round to his pad and we ended up having a reasonable meal and much laughter and conviviality.
The next morning I had to do a nav with a student which included a nice long leg from Essendon to Albury. It was one of those beaut days. Winds at all altitudes were variable at 5 kts, smooth as silk, CAVOK, level at 9500. Student was performing flawlessly, everything was going to plan. Life was good.
Approaching abeam Wangaratta, I felt the beginnings of a little tummy rumble which ended in a fart of biblical proportions. My student immediately started searching for an oxygen mask and remarked that he should be logging IF time as he could no longer see out the front window. I suggested that maybe fast cruise would be a good idea as Albury has bathrooms and we knew them to be open for business.
A few minutes later, after more frequent and ominous tummy rumbles, I suggested a diversion to Wangaratta might be in order. As my students eyes were still watering from the previous episode, he immediately agreed and turned left and put Wangaratta on the nose and reduced power for the decent.
Then came the BIG tummy rumble, very much like the earthquakes that precede a violent volcanic eruption. I knew what was coming, I needed to be on the ground.....now. "Give me combat power" I yelled, Vne -10 for the descent, salvation just 10nm away.
By the time we crossed the threshold, I was going cross eyed, my student was cool and calm under pressure, perfect landing and made the turnoff. There was a gardener/cleaning lady at the airport and she must have been started to see a crazy eyed instructor leap put of an aircraft, hurdle the gate like Cathy Freeman and burst through the doors into the gents. They would not have stopped me even if the doors were locked.
The rest of the flight home was quite un eventful and stress free.
Our dear colleague was forever banned from cooking.