No they do NOT do force downloads either !! What weird settings are you using ?
Apple bashing in the extreme....I'm left wondering where you got your dud information from !
I got my information from the Apple technical advisers in the Apple store in Aberdeen who said they knew of no way to stop the download happening automatically. And the evidence for the fact that the devices automatically downloaded the updates was by watching the screen as I plugged in the recharging lead, and seeing it immediately start the download with no input from me.
As ExXB said, in the settings, there are tick boxes for enabling automatic downloads, but these ONLY refer to App updates, not System updates.
A quick search on the internet will show that I am not imagining this, and that many people have the same issue. If you know a simple solution to the problem, please share it, but stop accusing me of "Apple bashing" - I am just trying to find a solution to a real problem.