787 - most uncomfortable long-haul aircraft ever?

[Avionker]

Ah the old blame the manufacturer not the airline card. Sometimes the manufacturer does have to take some of the responsibility of course. But it always pays to do a little research before throwing criticism around. Let me give an example, slightly off-topic maybe but....

Several years ago I was employed as one of several contractors by an IFE manufacturer. They had recently introduced an new system and it was experiencing a higher than anticipated number of software failures. Our job was to monitor the IFE system in flight, recording all failures for fault trend analysis, and assist the cabin crew with re-setting any failed units where possible. This inevitably led to interaction with the passengers and of course we attempted to portray both the IFE manufacturer and the airline in the best possible light.

On a trip from New York to Paris my usual polite and helpful demeanor was tested beyond breaking point by one particularly "demanding" passenger.

In all fairness to the lady in question her seat was been quite troublesome. I had reset it three times and still had not been able to restore it to full functionality. She could watch movies, listen to the "radio" and see the Airshow map display, but could not load and play games.

Unfortunately the flight was full and there were no empty seats to which the crew could move her, not in economy anyway.

Software resets were done remotely from a terminal at the Pursers station so I had not actually met the lady. I had been informed of her difficulties via the cabin interphone and had noted the fault symptoms and re-set her seat accordingly. After the meal service was finished I was asked by the Purser to go back and check the seat and see if there was anything else I could do, as the passenger was by now giving the cabin crew a very hard time.

I set off for the back of the aircraft secure in the knowledge that there was very little chance of me been able to get the seat working correctly. We carried no spare parts as we could not legally change any components in flight. Software re-sets were pretty much the limit of our powers or, in extreme cases if a widespread failure occurred, maybe cycling a circuit breaker having first discussed it with the Captain and obtaining their permission.

Anyway I introduced myself to the passenger and asked if I could check the system out for her. Having confirmed that the symptoms were as described I explained to her that I had done all I could and that every time we re-set the seat there was a possibility that it would degrade further. I sympathized with her and suggested that, rather than risk losing the system at her seat altogether, maybe it would be better to watch a movie and accept that the games were not available.

She declined, quite forcefully.

With a heavy heart and a sense of foreboding I made my way back to the front of the aircraft and re-set her seats software for the fourth time. It took about a minute for a seat box re-set to run it's course and I had returned to her seat by the time it finished. This time the Purser accompanied me, I would like to think for moral support, but more likely to smooth things over with the passenger if required.

Anyway the re-set did not finish well.

Now, rather than been able to watch the movies, or listen to some music or see where exactly we were over the Atlantic, the passenger could do nothing with the IFE system. The Welcome screen was staring her mockingly in the face. Promising all sorts of entertainment possibilities, a veritable cornucopia of In Flight delight you could say, and absolutely refusing to respond to any kind of control inputs. Nothing, nada, zip.

I looked at the lady, keeping my "I told you so" look carefully suppressed, and apologetically informed her that there was nothing else I could do.

She let rip.

Time and distance preclude me from quoting her verbatim but it went something like this:-

"Goddammit, I knew I should have flown with an American airline. If this is what Europeans think is acceptable I should have stayed at home. The goddamn games don't work, the seat is uncomfortable, the airplane is noisy and the meal was lousy. I thought French food was meant to be good." (the airline in question was indeed Air France).

"If this is what Europe is like it's going to be goddamn long 2 weeks. I should have stayed in the states, at least things work there!"

On every flight I was very aware that the Air France crew would report any inappropriate response or actions I made, and that my continuing employment on the contract was at risk if I lost my cool with passengers. So I took a deep breath and replied as follows:-

"Madam, once again I apologize on behalf of Rockwell Collins. We are doing everything we can to improve the IFE system, although I realize that is of little consolation to you at the moment. I have done everything in my power to help you and I'm sorry that I couldn't get the system working to your satisfaction"

I probably should have left it at that but.......

"And as for your other complaints, the aircraft is a Boeing 777, that's an american aeroplane. The engines which you find so noisy are made by General Electric, an american company. The seat you are sitting in is made by B/E Aerospace, that's an american company. The IFE system is made by an american company. And the meal, well that was on-loaded in JFK not Paris, therefore it was prepared by an american company using, I suspect, american produce. I do hope that your holiday improves and Europe is not too much of a disappointment to you."

I left at that point, without a backward glance.

A few minutes later I was standing in the business class galley having a coffee and in walks the Purser, with a huge grin from ear to ear.

It appeared that I had just said what had been on the mind of every crew member in the cabin, but they of course could not say it.

I left the aircraft in Paris with 2 bottles of wine and several hugs and kisses from the cabin crew. Some days you just have to love your job.