I wrote the following excerpt while under the influence of a small amount of mercifully wonderful beer, and posted it as advice in the "CRM - Single-Pilot Mentality Captains" thread to a young man on the opposite end of the problem you described. It is probably about the only piece of genuine US Grade-A "Wisdom" I've ever produced (the rest is all pure horse-pucky). Perhaps some of the words may be of use to you in explaining your position and expectations to copilots like the one you describe:
If you are a captain, give your FO's enough space and autonomy to do their job well, and trust (but verify!) them to get it done. Watch what they do when you let them do their job their own way; you just may learn something new. If you don't like it or they aren't up to snuff, take command and change it. But don't pull that trigger over stupid little micromanaging BS things.
If you are a first officer, give the captain enough space and authority to run the ship his own way without constantly second-guessing him on stuff that is more to do with his personal rhythm than flight safety. If it is within the bounds of legality, safety, "standard-enoughness", respect, and reason, learn and try the captain's way of doing things, even if you don't like it, just to exercise your own mental flexibility. Remember that it his ship to run as he prefers to run it. With the exception of the aforementioned points, it is not your place to make him flow with your rhythm, but it IS your place to "be the chameleon" and flow with his. Of the things you learn while doing this, use your judgment to keep what works and chuck the rest. That includes everything I've just written here.