you wouldn't be unique David, I went through and am still questioning myself and the industry.
I had many knock backs and eventually got to Hamble where the same circle of highs and lows continued as it did in BEA. I joined the BALPA technical committee but gave that up as I thought that the CAA were the people to improve our standards...talk about naive.
Borrowed the money to get an instructors rating...changed my philosophies (and my line flying) and have spent 15 years teaching various aviation disciplines (mostly at my expense).
I suppose the most rewarding experience was a "trial lesson" in a winch launched glider with a guy who had been blinded as the result of a hospital cock up...looped the glider...he cried and after I helped him out on the ground he gave me a bear hug, lifted me up with tears streaming down his face and thanked me.
The gliding world need instructors and tug pilots...there are a couple of charities which help handicapped people fly (again).
I've always considered myself extremely fortunate and felt it is a "duty" to share my luck with others...class a, microlights, gliders and paragliding..plus I wrote an autobiography but had to cut out the important part - plus ca change c'est la meme chose - because of the libel threat.
I've changed companies - and never flew the same aircraft for longer than 6 years - which helped but still got bored. Just after I got my command (after more than 20 years in the industry) I lost my license...now that is a real kick in the gonads...but there is so many other fulfilling flying opportunities including radio control planes.
I've got too old too teach people in the air because I have started making mistakes but can still help out in other ways.
Have a look at what Guy Westgate does...that will open your eyes..he got me into aerobatics and paragliding...cost me the tow and a fiver towards the glider cost....
good luck