Sorry to intrude into the house of Albert, but I do have one, tiny, SLF Hercybird story and some of you, I am sure, were there. I am a CT/MRI scanner engineer based in London and the south east, but because of my experience, I have occasionally been asked (told?) to go to some outlandish places. One of them was Kuwait City, not long after the end of GW1. Because that nice Mr. Saddam had blown up or stolen Kuwait Air, I was instructed by the FCO to fly to Bahrain (via Doha) and report to RAF Muharaq - MAMS office. Wherever that was.
I qualified, it seems, because I was British, knew the kit and had never been to Israel!
After an eventfull civilian journey and being driven past a lot of RAF 'Banging Machinery' with a rather
used look about them, I was directed to a refrigerator full of non alcoholic drinks by a MAMS Corporal and told to wait for the crew. They - whoever you are - turned up, we trooped on board what I thought was merely a strangely camoflaged C130 and we set off. I never knew that aeroplanes could
wuffle, but Albert definitely wuffled out to line up. But when you gave him the beans, he suddenly got all serious and quite anxious to be elsewhere.
The most bizarre smoke break at Jabail (?) Naval Air Station was followed by the second leg and our Loadie briefing that we had five minutes to look out of the portholes before landing. Apart from smoke so thick we could barely see the wing tanks (overload tanks?), I can genuinely say it was a scene from Dante's Inferno, A stunning demonstration of just how spiteful stupid people can be, with oil fires lighting up the daytime darkness for a hundred feet around each one.
After Albert wuffled some more, past the black mark on the apron where that nice Mr. Saddam reduced BA's stock of 747's by one and the stuffed camel on top of a Series Land Rover, we were told to wait for 'The Duty Officer'. The DO sped through the load deck ticking stuff and people off and vanished again, leaving about a dozen sprained necks trying to follow her, because F/O Sarah Byrne was a drop dead gorgeous blonde, with desert fatigues and a gun.
Apart from having to beg MRE's off American and British squadies at checkpoints during the week I spent there, trying to bring a CT scanner back to life after having its electronic brains blown out by a generator - they had a GSW they needed to scan on the day the Iraqis blew up the power station - that was it for me and the Military.
On the way back it was all the same in reverse, except that after asking the Loadie if it would be possible to visit the conservatory at the front, where you guys sit around all day, I was invited to spend the entire flight standing up, next to the Flight Engineer. I was like a pig in ...... ordure!
However, being an engineer, I couldn't help asking questions of the hapless F/E and it turned out the aeroplane was a Lyneham based frame and that it and it's happy crew were merely dropping us off in Bahrain and were then going home - for good! Also that there were 'one or two'
minor defects.
Had I not noticed that three of Albert's props were black and one was silver with red stripes? Borrowed that off the Septics; ours is broke. The Loadie dashing around with a torch peering in to various nooks? Hydraulic leaks, might have to crank the u/c down. The APU was inop and they'd probably have to be jump started to leave Muharaq and on and on. We - you blokes - were flying a wreck! But it didn't matter! You were going home.
Elf and safety would probably have had a kerniption fit if they had seen me hanging on to something tubular with one hand, while I took photographs out of the cockpit windows on very, very short finals!
As we taxied in, the replacement Albert was pointed out and I remarked on the different camoflage scheme. Oh no, the F/E said, that's the same colour as this, its just that we've been flying through all that clag for a month!
Twenty-two years later, I would like to thank the crew of that 'Fat Albert' for one of my most memorable flights, anywhere. I did take photographs, but for the moment I can't find them. A truly remarkable aeroplane.
Roger