well, from a genuine one last November, after getting out:
1- We suddenly realised there was a genuine danger of an airprox (at least) above us. Everyone on Farnboro frequency (which we'd used for the mayday) in our vicinity seemed to have diverted across out field at about 500' agl to make sure we were OK - they were coming from all directions and all looking down at us looking up. We moved!
2- Found my mobile worked, so phoned home base to phone F'boro although obviously the a/c above would be saying 'no problem'
3- My Mobile then rang - "D&D here - all OK?" - we'd only been in the field less than 5 mins and they'd tracked my number via the airfield.
4- Phoned Magazine publisher, sold story.
5- Found nearest house -owner reacted like it happens every day. He phoned field owner (a pilot!) and then drove us down to his local pub (in case we chose 'the other pub' by mistake) for lunch.
6- We finally got taxi back to the airfield, had coffee, in walked an AAIB man 'off duty' - excellent timing! Says report will be voluntary as no-one hurt, no damage, etc.
7- Next day (Sunday) aircraft moved with helpful field owner (a pilot remember) and 4wd 'tow' through 2 large gates and 2 fields to nearby airstrip
8- Day after that: AAIB man attends his Monday morning 'incidents over the weekend which may need investigation' meeting and when this one was mentioned, surprises his boss by providing a fairly comprehensive report on it.
9- AAIB request voluntary formal report as they want to highlight carb icing to everyone.