Mad Jock, I downloaded a free patch* from 'Classicshell.net' which gives a Start button and XP style menus on Windows 8. I can finally use the stupid thing now without becoming homicidal.
I'm very un-techy but managed to install it after a fashion. Be aware that it tries to add some software which sends daily adverts. This can be blocked or prevented though.
* Classic Start Menu 4.0.2