Andy,
I'll chip in while Europe is waking up. Very well done and thanks for writing it up so candidly. I'm sure this will help others who also have fear of flying.
You seem to be managing by having some amazing willpower. I hope things get better for you. Two things I will mention. One is to try to have your instructor talk you through an exercise rather than demo it first. Sitting through a demo, if you already have sweaty palms, is not going to help. I knew a very experienced CFI in Canada who told me that he would talk an ab-initio student through their very first takeoff in a 152!
Secondly, as you have noticed, it helps to approach stalls by degrees (pardon the pun). I used to introduce glider students to stalls by just slowing to the beginning of the buffet and then easing off. It does wonders for their confidence.
I've never had the kind of issues that you have had, but I do remember after flying for about 20 years, I developed an uneasy feeling if I was in an airliner cabin and couldn't see out of the front. I was fine if I was in a jumpseat! Completely irrational I know, and it eventually went away.
I used to live in Brisbane and flew a little there. Are you flying from Archerfield?
Motorcycles, yachts and aeroplanes.
PS When you say "incipient stalls", do you mean "incipient spins"?