From the Satirical press
panarabiaenquirer.com
Landlord Awards showcase the very best in Dubai rent increases
There were tears and cheers last night as the Landlord of the Year Awards made an emotional return to Dubai. The glittering event, last held in 2008, welcomed over 500 of the city’s most notorious property owners, many of whom expressed delight that their industry had finally emerged from the difficulties of the financial crisis.
“It just makes me shudder remembering was it was like back then. With rent prices plummeting along with opportunities to completely bleed our tenants dry, they were dark times indeed,” said Mahmoud Al Sansa, who owns 27 properties across Dubai.
“But I can proudly say that the tide has now turned and we’re well and truly back to our absolute best. One annual cheque is the norm once more and yearly rates are going up faster than we can evict people and draw up new contracts. I’m super pleased that these wonderful awards have now returned too.”
Among those present was renowned proprietor Reza Meshuggnah, four times winner of the prestigious Most Ludicrous Rent Hike Award. Speaking before the ceremony, he expressed his confidence in making it five. “My rents are now more than twice what they were in were in 2009, I’m sure to win,” he said.
However, Meshuggnah lost out to rival Mohammed Schneider, who has managed to hike his rents by almost 300 per cent since Dubai won the Expo2020 bid in November. “Just you wait and see how much I’m charging when the Expo actually comes to town,” he beamed tearfully.
The coveted Utter Bastard Of The Year gong went to Hassan Hassan O’Reilly, who successfully brought to trial 43 tenants for non-payment of rent for properties that have never existed.
However, the night’s biggest cheer was saved for the closing celebration, the Lifetime Achievement Award, which went to one of the industry’s most respected names, Omar Bakhra. The Iranian businessman – largely credited as the first landlord to require 12 months payment upfront, plus 10 per cent administrative charges – this year made history when he successfully demanded three years rent in advance for a studio apartment in the Marina.
“You’re an inspiration to us all,” said the show’s host Dom Locksmith on presenting Bakhra with his award.