Carrier - I don't think you have quite grasped how the relationship between computers, operating systems, applications and security. Like everything else, they have to be balanced and you must accept that there is no such thing as absolute security. Apple's security is reasonable and I don't get on well with iTunes - and I agree, there has to be a better way. But what I really can't stand is Windows, your only real alternative. Because of the way it is built it is prone to infiltration by "ne're-do-wells", as your wife should know. Also, being a competent and well informed journalist, she would be fully aware of some of the methods used but criminals and defences used to protect against the scammers. But you appear not to have been listening - maybe she writes for the Guardian?
Another thing I would do is change your source of information. There are villains out there and you have to take appropriate steps to ensure that you are not vulnerable. But that does not include paying cash. The mouth-breathers with shell-suits, funny eyebrows and dirty trainers love people like you who pay in cash. If they see you shopping more than once you'll be turned into their personal cash dispenser before long.
Regarding Apple support, I've never had a problem. They appear to employ real people and I'm quite sure that they'd prefer you to buy another manufacturer's product than have to spend time listening to you. When I had Windows computers, I always found myself ending up speaking to a half-wit called "Peter" or "Janet" with a broad, almost unintelligible Bangalore accent who not only knew nothing but wouldn't listen.
Realistically, your only solution is to be net free. Use pen and paper and other people's computers. I'm sure some oik will come along and suggest you go for Linux but as sure as eggs is eggs, you'll be back asking about "how to you do this" and "where you get support from". Unfortunately, you have no other practical alternative if you wish to be part of the connected world.
But really, I think you will never be satisfied.
PM