The biggest problem I have with comp's is getting the tech person I'm working with to understand that I absolutely know what I want and I absolutely know what I don't want.
And the biggest problems techs have is dealing with people like you that have ambitious ideas above their station and who can never quite grasp why it's not quite possible to do things their way...
I think you need to separate design & development from the techies you work with. The techies are merely making the worst of a bad job, working within the constraints of the software put in front of them. Poorly designed, bug riddled software frustrates techies as much as it does you.