I'm sure Linux would be much more popular but for the ongoing "geekspeak" problem mentioned in the OP.
obgraham, if your computer has a working CD drive, I'd like to suggest a workaround which will enable you altogether to avoid struggles with Linux bootloading systems - at least until you become more familiar with things - and give you much quicker bootup than your USB stick. (I assume from your use of the latter that you know how to adjust the boot attempt priority sequence in your computer's BIOS Setup).
Puppy Linux (my long-time favourite) is extremely versatile and does
not need to be 'installed' to your hard drive - f'rinstance, you may use a CD permanently for bootup, leaving whatever operating system is installed on your hard drive untouched (until you want to dump it, once you are happy with Linux). You have a choice of saving your Puppy stuff to a compressed file which Puppy will offer to create for you on your hard drive at your first shutdown, or (if your CD drive is write-capable) saving it to the CD (highly recommended; to use this option you will need to use Puppy to burn yourself a CD in special 'multisession' mode).
(You can use media such as USB sticks or SD cards instead of CDs, but the CD route is most likely the best for beginners).
Most importantly, Puppy Linux has a very friendly online support community of Linux experts who have the patience and goodwill to explain things to beginners in relatively simple terms rather than geekspeak.
Download Puppy
Enjoy.