What Makes the red Arrows Such An Effective team?

[Running_In]

Hi Hval,

I enjoyed reading your commentary and agreed with everything you said, and as you've been brave enough to open the floor I'll offer my feedback. It is all meant to be constructive and I hope it is!

First of all, you have double your word limit, but on reading through there are quite a few opportunities to lose the odd word here & there. It quickly adds up and could even bring you in under budget.

E.g

"..also known as the "Red Arrows" have a history as being one of the best, if not the best, aerobatic display teams in the world. How have the Red Arrows, managed to achieve and maintain this deserved reputation, for so long?..."

could be come

"...RAFAT), also known as the "Red Arrows" are recognized as being one of the best aerobatic display teams in the world."

Your question are already presented so there's no need to ask one of them again. There are a few lines where you repeat points you've already made or use more words than needed. I'm truly sorry if that sounds harsh but I do think you could make it shorter with out losing any impact. Winston Churchill one started a letter with something like ''I apologise for the length of this letter, only I didn't have the time to make it shorter'' so it does take time but you will have a better piece at the end.

You don't need to mention other display teams, as it doesn't help make your point and there is scope to cut out the number of attributes you've listed by covering two with one. E.g, Honesty, Openness and Trust, Good Inter Group Relations, Team Culture, Empowerment, Ownership are all sort of in the same area and could be grouped under one of two headings.

The problem with such a long list is that it leave the reader going.. so what so what? so what? Everything you say is right on the money but have you considered perhaps grouping the attributes more closely and rather than a long list, having 4 or 5 short para graphs expanding on the most pertinent?

All meant in good faith and really it is just a tidying up thing.

All the best

RI