hval
As your paper stands you are just presenting statements of opinion. A similar paper could be written of the Blue Angels, Amazon, Co-Op or Tescos etc. It would strengthen your position if you are able to validate your claims. Similarly I think it would be useful if you were able to define success. Not entirely sure I would agree with you that other organisations have not enjoyed similar levels of success for similar lengths of time if not longer. Not entirely clear what the purpose of your paper is - it reads simply as a statement of opinion. It may be that is all you need it to be and if so then that's fine. However, if you are seeking to put over a position then perhaps some balance would be useful as was suggested earlier, a definition of what you mean by success and perhaps supporting evidence where relevant. Again just some thoughts.