I feel for you, Angel
I witnessed an aerobatic manouver go horribly wrong. Afterwards, I kept playing over and over in my mind the moment when I realised he wasn't going to pull up, and then that awful sound.
It's been many years now, and I don't think of it that often, though I knew and miss the pilot. All I can tell you is that it never goes away, but it does get easier to bear.