Avoid agencies and lawyers like the plague. Deal directly with
UK Border Agency | Visas and immigration.
If your EU citizen spouse was resident in Britain, which she is entitled to be, then you will be able to get an EAA family permit. If she isn't, you wouldn't.
On your own, I think you would not stand any chance of getting a work permit or residence visa in Britain right now.
There isn't anything such as an EU-wide work or residency permit as there are still countries, like Britain, that have their own rules for non-EU nationals.
('doniedarko', I don't think that you fully understand this whole 'EU thing'!)