Cripes, bored and only just found this site. Great way to start my day. Here's a couple; Capt on PA, sliding past JF ," Beautiful evening. Those of you on the right have a truly excellent view of New York...............those of you on the left have a truly excellent view .......of those of you on the right ! ".
Capt " Welcome on board our company's new purchase. Brand new, very highly automated aircraft. Press a button & my seat comes out. Press a button & the control column comes out. Press a button & the Stewardess comes out. Press the stewardess & my teeth come out !"
Oh, gotta be the oldest one in aviation. PA inadvertantly left on after six sectors & capt says to FO " Geeees, first I'm havin a beer then I'm goin to lay the number one CA". Number one rushes up the cabin to let the silly boys know that the PA is on but is stopped by a little ole granny near the front who exclaims; " Ease up honey, he said he was goin to have a beer first ! " .