Goatherder
My dear chap, whilst I think this is most likely a wind-up, if not, I think you are simply having trouble understanding the difference between knowing your !!!!, and knowing you're !!!!. You certainly do not know the former.
As for rest, I allocate it as required to ensure the FO and myself are in decent condition for the approach. If it's an even split, good for you. If it's not and you work more than the others, get your big boy pants on and suck it up!
I don't allocate rest to be selfish, it's simply to ensure the pax and aircraft arrive as safely as possible.
If you can't see that, you're in the wrong job princess!