Danny takes the Rough with the Smooth.
A lot of Funny Little things happened after I got back from Cottesmore, and then two Funny Big Things. I am not sure of the order of events, so will give you the lot in one or two bunches.
A letter came in from the Stockton Corporation Transport Manager. Their conductor on our last Sunday's Seaton Snook "special" had reported a broken window on the top deck during the journey back. This was presumably the result of some (ferocious !) horseplay. Who was going to pay for the damage ? Tongue-in-cheek (for I knew that in fact there was no conductor on these runs), I retorted that it was surely the task of the "conductor" to maintain order on his bus, and to secure the name & address of the perpetrator.
This had him on the back foot straight away, as he had to acknowledge that there was no "conductor" at all, as stated in his first letter. Still he persisted, and I pointed out that the not inconsiderable sum the RAF was paying for hire must include an element for insurance. What about that ? This elicited the astounding information that the bus was not insured against passenger damage (what a way to run a Bus service !) I jumped on that. What might be the extent of a passenger's liability in such cases ? Supposing a bus were to be written-off in these circumstaces, was it remotely reasonable to expect a private individual to pay up ? Why wasn't it insured in the first place ? Whose fault was that ?
Now we had him on the ropes; he became a humble supplicant, and for the first time the sum at issue was mentioned (£18, or thereabouts). At the time our Tea Swindle had about £1,000 in the bank; this trifling sum would not hurt us. Accordingly I wrote back a letter positively oozing with magnanimity: in view of the good relations which had always existed between us, and purely as an act of grace, and admitting no responsibility, and he must understand that this not to be taken as establishing any precedent, here was a cheque for the £18. So honour was satisfied, and we called it a draw.
Two subsidiary questions will have sprung to mind. Why did I not investigate the circumstances myself ? - because I know omerta when I see it coming. And why did I keep it "in house", and not turn it over to the Station ? Are you serious ? - I' d be wrapped up in Boards of Inquiry and Summaries of Evidence from then to Kingdom Come ! (Now you know what Adjutants have to do for a living).
The next little one was really not funny at all. We had a W.R.Aux.A.F. Drum & Pipe Band; TAAFA bought the instruments, but the Drum-Major's mace was a wondrous thing, presented to us a few years before by the Lord Lieutenant. The hollow silver cap was suitably engraved with the fact, and richly decorated: fine silver chain criss-crossed down the shaft, and I think there was a silver ferrule. It was polished to perfection.
One ass left it on the ground as the kit was being loaded, another reversed the truck over it. It was a sorry sight. Of course the wheel had to have run over the cap (and not the much cheaper shaft) and squashed it. We could hardly ask the Lord Lieutenant for another one, and TAAFA would have raised a stink, so we had to send it to Boosey & Hawkes (musical instruments suppliers, who have skill in brass and silver bashing) to straighten it out; it wasn't cheap, the Mace was never the same again and the Tea Swindle took the hit.
Now for a Big One, and some good news for a change. We were now fully restored in TAAFA's good books, but even so we were surprised and gratified to learn that we should have a Unit Crest and Motto, and that they would pay the bill. Why this should be, I know not, but presumably it was on the grounds that everyone else had one, so we should have one, too.
Accordingly, I was to submit draft designs and mottoes to the Chester Herald (there are four of them, I believe, but this was our man, and he ain't cheap) for approval. I then made the gross error of proudly announcing the honour to our troops, and asking for suggestions. You never saw such a load of rubbish as came in: daggers dripping blood, knight's helmets, lions and leopards every which way, eagles drawn with varying degrees of skill, in fact everything that a Hollywood producer could think of to put on the shield of a Ye Olde Medieval Knight in a bad B-movie.
I quickly realised my mistake, and that whatever choice I made (for Dave wisely washed his hands of the affair), I should make one friend and 119 enemies. I therefore cut the Gordian knot, declared the competition null and void, and decided to do the job myself.
The White Rose of York would have been nice, but RAF Thornaby had bagged that already. I hit on the idea of a pointer, rigid, paw lifted and tail level, with the motto "I guide the hunter". I was nervous about the idea of a natural looking dog, but the Herald was all for it. It seems that the dog has an honoured place in heraldry as an emblem of fidelity and loyalty to the Sovereign. The Herald's draughtsman did a good job, a tan and white hound gazing fixedly to the left in the act of pointing, as I'd suggested.
TAAFA liked it, everbody liked it, in particular everybody liked the motto (about time we had one in English). It perfectly expressed the purpose of the Unit, and it was particularly apt as the Hunter (aircraft) was just then coming into service.
I'm a bit hazy about the details, but the design went back through TAAFA to the Boss Herald in London, he (theoretically) had to refer it to the Sovereign for final approval; she signed the Top Copy (or was it just facsimile ?); it came back to TAAFA and they put it in a nice frame; we held a Station Parade; the Lord Lieutenant turned up in full fig; he presented it to me (why not Dave Brown ? - don't know); the "Evening Gazette" took a nice photo of the presentation; I must have it somewhere or other.
That's enough for the moment, chaps,
Danny42C