Aerbabe, Nuada, NR Fairy, thank you so so much. You've no idea how much it helps to have people to help me get things in perspective. Especially now, when the one other person on this course is finding it easier than I am, obviously doing better than I am, and actually enjoying it. It shouldn't matter, it's not a race, but it's still hard to accept. Anyway, enough whinging; on to the diary...
Mon 17th Feb
We don't start till 2pm; Mike is renewing his instructor's rating, examiner's rating, and everything else. We get given Ex 18, Forced Landings. Despite the fact that I find anything to do with autos difficult and scary, I actually enjoy it. I've never been taught it so well, being shown how to slow down to get into a field, much easier than doing innumerable S bends. This is useful stuff, for ME. I feel good at the end, and wonder if I've turned the corner so far as this course is concerned.
Tues 18th Feb
We give back Ex 17, Advanced Autos
I feel semi-confident, but very determined. It starts off OK...but gets very rapidly worse. The datum one goes OK, my range auto isn't bad, but the extended range with RPM at 90% scares me and my flying shows it. I do it twice, and it's marginally better. Then comes constant attitude, low (zero) airspeed, and 360 degree turns. All of these I only learned on this course, and they don't go well...or if they do I forget to talk or call rate of descent angle of descent or something stupid. I don't feel that bad however. On the way back Mike gives me a practise engine failure; I make me field, and he says fine, but as a potential instructor he'd expect something of a Mayday call, and to tell my passenger to brace. All I hear is "potential instructor" - he thinks I might make it, wow!!! Next we have to give back forced landings and this gets rapidly more and more ragged. I'm getting tired, losing confidence, the more I do that the more my flying goes; I see it all happening but whatever I do to turn it around doesn't help. Mike's comments on the debrief, making it clear - as nicely as possible - that Mark is doing better than I am, make me feel worse. Then we give back Ex 25 - Limited Power. By this time I seem to hardly be able to fly, and I finally say to Mike that the trouble is I've lost confidence completely, and I don't know how the hell to get it back. He says to stop since I'm not thinking clearly. Oh well, I guess we can do it again. Mark flies, then Mike tells us to plan a nav for tomorrow. This I can do, I hope. I come into Andover to an internet cafe as I need a break!!!!!
Aerbabe, I'm not giving up; if I do I'll spend my whole life wondering if I could have made it. If I carry on, pass or fail, I'll know.