A world apart? I think not!
Whirly;
Firstly I would like to thank you for your courage in sharing such personal and intense experiences with the "world" beyond your keystrokes.
As I read through your trials I am reminded of the length and scope of our 'profession'. I am at this business now for 35 years. I have had the 'pleasure' and the 'pain' of near 20K flight hours. I have been an instructor and a student throughout most of those years. One of the most critical elements a professional instructor soon accepts is that you will learn and hopefully improve with each and every student you have the 'privilege' of metting. It's how we all maintain a positive dynamic in a job which demands constant attention to the rote repetition of the most mundane minutiae.
Hopefully you will be cheered to know that the degree and depth of your 'self-criticism' is common to most serious students of MOI. It is indeed a constant struggle to fly and talk your way through that 'perfect' period of instruction. As soon as you begin to approach that lofty goal, as you have already sagely noted, the student's needs intrude and back you go to that 'mental drawing board'.
You have made significant strides along the path to your FI rating. As you are deep within the process yourself, you will not appreciate the self perception and insight your diary has offered to those of us reading from afar. The flying portions will merge in a somewhat magical fashion with those verbal tasks you are presently finding so daunting. Trust me, it just happens and on a bright day, coming soon to your studies, you will find that 'point in space' with your hands and with your mind simultaneously.
Then perhaps those who cautioned you about your capacity to swamp your students with words and confidence and keen insight will be proven correct. You will make the best kind of FI, one who cares about this profession, AND her students.
Now step outside your fear and anxiety; just relax and remember this is not only where you want to be, but as all the old guys on this forum will tell you, if pressed hard enough, it's not only FUN but they pay you for it as well!
ALL the best,
K