Wed 12th Feb
Crap vis and low cloud, so no flying, but maybe just as well, as I have a bad cold and a pounding headache that pain killers won't seem to shift. I carry on anyway; at least we're on the ground. We get given briefings for Ex 17 and 18 - Advanced autos and Forced Landings. We've missed out Vortex Ring because Mike says it's easy, and Engine Off Landings so we can get lots of practice on those later. We get asked to prepare lesson plans on Pressure Instruments and Piston Engines, and give those. Wx improves in the afternoon, but we still don't fly, and to be honest I don't think I should. I go to bed at 8 pm.
Thur 13th Feb
We get given precision transitions and quickstops in the air. I'm looking forward to it - but it's a disaster. I can't seem to concentrate - Mike says something and I've forgotten it a few seconds later - and my co-ordination seems to have gone completely. By the end of the session Mike is obviously frustrated and I've reached my lowest point ever. He leaves me to shut down, and I decide I'm packing it in. However, by the time I've finished shutting down, I realise that if I do that, I'll spend the rest of my life wondering if maybe I could have managed it. OK, I think, it's only two weeks out of my life. Though if they throw me out I'll be almost relieved. Next we get out of wind operations, which goes better. In the afternoon Mark and I get to teach each other the same exercises. I tell him he needs to teach me downwind quickstops for real! He does, and then I help him with downwind transitions to the hover, which I find easy. But I still seem to have zero confidence. The trouble is, confidence is a bit like rotor RPM - if it gets too low it's hard to get it back at all. If you start at 100% it's OK, but mine started pretty low (a common female problem), and it's now been around the 75-80% mark for too long.
I'm trying to do the mental equivalent of flaring like mad - but it's not working very well. Anyway, when we leave Mark and I go into Andover for coffee - we're fed up with studying in bedsit and caravan respectively. I still have a cold and my headache's coming back.
Friday 14th Feb
I wake up feeling terrified that we're going to be given advanced autos, and convinced I'll never cope. Part of this is realistic - I never did 360 degree autos or zero speed autos for my PPL, and have only had them demonstrated since, though they're on the PPL syllabus. I'm getting less and less impressed with my first flying school and instructor. I still don't feel that great, but I make what feels like a superhuman effort, and it doesn't go too badly. But as we turn to hover taxi back, I just can't do it. It's like my brain disconnects from my hands and feet, and I feel completely disorientated. I tell Mike, and he brings us back. I go in and rest, wondering what on earth is wrong with me. In the afternoon we get given limited power; I usually find this easy, but I seem to have ground to a halt. I finally tell Mike I've had this bad cold, and I think that's what accounts for my lack of coordination and complete inability to fly. We try for a bit longer, then he finally says gently that I'm obviously not with it, and to go home and rest. I still feel really depressed at the whole thing, and far too exhausted to drive home to North Wales. I meet
Genghis the Engineer for coffee, and he tells me to just do the course; if anyone thinks I can't do it they'll tell me soon enough. He also says even a cold will really degrade your flying ability. It finally gets through to me that I'm ill, tired, and not thinking clearly. I drive home, and - miraculously - things suddenly start looking better. I read this thread, and realise my feeling down and lack of flying ability exactly coincided with my getting a cold. Er...I think I learned something this week.
Saturday 15th Feb
I drive into Chester to get my Class 1 medical back - I'd let it lapse, and I need it before I can get this rating. I'm wondering how I got in such a weird mental state over the past few days, and feeling rather stupid about my over-reactions. I decide to post about it anyway, if only to remind myself, and maybe others, of the possible effects of flying with a cold, and...well, anything else useful that anyone can gain from it.
More next week...and I've got a feeling things are going to get better.
