OK. First - "publishing" all this is ultra-brave. Doing it in such an honest, open style is evn more impressive. You are having a tremendous effect on your readers. You should have had a camera following you on this course - you would have a fantastic and valuable tv documentary.
With regard to your personal challenges - all I can say is keep going. Try and relax into it even more. (Easy for me to say at my keyboard!). You know you can fly - you know how to explain it - you just need practise at being able to merge those two activities.
You've inspired me to give this course a go.