No internet access all week, and usually no time or energy left to look for an internet cafe, but I'll try to remember what's happened this last week....
Mon 3rd Feb
The weather is good, but wind's are expected to increase. We get given Exercises 6, 7, 8, and 9, one after another!
for those who aren't instructors, and can't remember their own PPL training, that's "straight & level, climbing, descending, turning", "basic autos", "hovering", takeoffs and landings". The last two we haven't even had ground briefings on yet; we get them afterwards. We also get told we'll be starting to give back ground briefings tomorrow, and for one of us to do Ex 4 and the other Ex 5. I spend the evening practising Ex 4, which I've already tried out over the weekend on my long suffering house and cat sitter,
Aerbabe , who has a PPL(A). She asked awkward questions like "What do you mean by balance?", "104% of what?" etc. Early night after a fairly knackering day.
Tues 4th Feb
Get given Ex 10 (transitions) on the ground and then in the air. The wind is about 25-30kts; not ideal, but we do it anyway. I have a lot of bad habits like raising the collective slightly before I start the transition, and forgetting right pedal as we speed up; Mike jumps on me for everything, and I wonder how I can hope to instruct when I can't even fly properly. We're all geared up to give back exercises 4 and 5, but then Mike asks us to prepare a briefing on fronts. Mark gives his, then out of the blue, Mike asks me to give one on wind! "That's not fair," I protest, and he asks me what I remember about wind. At that point, under those circumstances, the answer is zilch. He coaxes me through the Coriolis Force, Buys Ballot's Law, etc etc, telling me it's PPL stuff and I should know it; I say I do, but I've forgotten it and I can't just do it off the cuff. I spend the evening trying to revise bits of P of F, Met, etc, and getting depressed. So I can't fly and I don't know anything; how do I expect to be an instructor?
Wed 5th Feb
We get another quick lesson on transitions in the air, since the wind has dropped and Mike can demonstrate translational life; bit hard in 25kt winds as you have it before you start. Then we get Ex 11 (circuits), and 13/14 (hovering sideways and backwards, spot turns).
Thurs 6th Feb
We get in early, and get told we're giving back Ex 4 in the air. Despite having prepared it at the beginning of the week, we still haven't given back the ground briefing for it yet. Mark goes first, and I wish I had, as I stare at the little card I've made up with the relevant points, and realise I've forgotten everything; we were given Ex 4 last week - a lifetime ago. I go up, and manage to stumble through vaguely OK for the four main controls; then I get on to things like effects of airspeed and disc loading on RPM, and demonstrating the freewheel when you lower the collective and so on, and it all goes totally pearshaped. But the time I finish I can barely fly, never mind think and speak at the same time. I decide this is impossible, and say to Mike that I feel as though I'll never be able to do it. I'm actually giving him the chance to tell me I'm right; I won't, and maybe I should give it up. He doesn't; he says it's always the way; people think it'll be easy, and it isn't. How do I explain that I didn't think it would be easy; I started with very little confidence, and now I have even less. Still, he hasn't thrown me out. I mess up the approach, then struggle with trying to land. Mike tells me I should be able to land by now; I tell him I agree. He tells me to look well ahead and relax, and of course that works. I remember the first day's groundschool - learning is more effective if you're relaxed and confident. Yeah, well.... We get a debrief, being told they weren't bad first efforts. A little while to recover, then finally we get to do our ground briefings. My Ex 4 goes reasonably well; Mike says he's written down that I seemed confident, and was I? I said no, but I'm good at sounding it - but it hadn't been as bad as I expected. Mark does Ex 5, then I get to do Ex 6, with no preparation, from my notes.
Ex 6 is a massive briefing anyway, and I get tied in knots, but it's not too bad. Mark then does Ex 7. I'm knackered and stressed, can't face another evening studying in my tiny bedsit, and go swimming at Andover Leisure Centre, hoping it'll help me relax. It doesn't work, and I sleep fitfully, waking up worrying about which pedal it is and which way you roll, yaw etc. I finally give up at 4 am and make some hot chocolate, eventually dozing off about 5 am. Lack of sleep won't help, but what can I do? I'm living on adrenaline, and telling myself this is not an emergency situation, it's just a bloody FI course!
Friday 7th Feb
I get in, looking more brighteyed and bushytailed than I feel, after hardly any sleep but lots of black coffee. I'm first out to give back lesson 5. It's a complete fiasco. It starts bad, and gets worse. After about ten minutes I sit there, telling Mike I'm sorry, but my mind's gone completely blank and I can't remember a thing. I tell him I'll be OK; I just need a minute and I'll pull myself together, honest. On top of everything we're above broken cloud with only a few holes and I'm totally lost. Mike doesn't play amateur psychologist, thank god; he does the next bit; I say OK, I'll carry on, and tie myself in knots with what ought to be a fairly simple exercise. It's not that I can't fly and talk, as I once thought - but I can't fly and talk and think; one of the three has to go. This means if I manage to talk and demonstrate the exercise I get lost, forget carb heat, and generally act like an idiot; if I remember those things....well, you get the idea. I fly back, deciding I'll give this whole thing up, and because of that, I relax and fly like I used to rather than like the cackhanded beginner I feel like I've become. I go in, head for the loo, and burst into tears (Oh no; I've just told 60,000 people I'm not just a hopeless pilot; I'm a tearful wimp too; I'd better delete that bit!!!!!
) When Mark comes back he asks me how it went. Past caring, I tell him total cr@p would be a fair approximation, and also a classic piece of English understatement. He says his was the same; he just couldn't remember anything. I think we both feel better realising we're not alone - but not much better. Mike comes back and tells us how it should have gone; I record it for future reference ( I have a cassette recorder with me); maybe I should learn it. He says you have to know the subject inside out, and to practice on a chair with a broom handle!!! We have a break, then he tells us to do some mutual flying (we can do 5 hours each of the 30 together), teaching each other Ex 8 and 9 (hovering, takeoffs & landings). We do, and it's fun. Suddenly I get my tongue back, and my flying ability and confidence with it. I remember most of what to say, and we both have fun as the student, putting the helicopter into wonderfullly mad oscillations, while the "instructor" sees how hard it is to correct it - surprisingly easy, though we don't push it too far. We both agree that hovering with one or two controls is quite hard, especially when the "student" has the collective and pedals; it's really difficult to keep straight with the cyclic when you don't know what's happening on two controls and you can't anticipate. Anyway, we both feel better after this. Mike tells us we may as well finish early as we have long drives home and a lot of homework. I get the feeling he planned all this, that we're being ever so slightly manipulated, though I'm sure it's in a good cause. I'm reminded of what one instructor told me - that the FI course is like the Power Required curve, if you plot confidence against time. Trouble is, I'm not sure we're reached the equivalent of 53 kts yet.
I meet
Genghis the Engineer for lunch before driving home, and he reminds me that although I gave myself permission to fail, I didn't give myself permission to quit!!!!
Sat 8th Feb
Nice to be home, but I'm knackered. Just sat in a chair trying to talk through Ex 4, 5, and 6. I can't even do it very well in a chair; no wonder I can't in the air. And to think I once got told I talked too much to be a good instructor.
More next week. Positive, reassuring, friendly comments would be warmly welcomed!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(edited mainly for typos)