We'd grit our teeth and offer to take Piers Morgan back (perhaps arranging for him to be stuffed and mounted on a plinth in the Top Gear studio). How's that for a start? Given the value of getting him out of your nation, I'd contend that we'd need to find about $50 to complete the deal, and even we might be able to find that.
Since the deal would take a few months to sign, we'll make manning the rail a condition of entry for any new arrivals from Bulgaria and Romania, who will get the right to come here at about the time the contract is signed (although that requires the Daily Mail's prediction that the entire population of both nations will head for the exits to destroy the UK as we know it, etc, etc, further xenophobic headlines available at no extra charge, etc, etc, to come true).
For the record, I am entirely willing to provide similar procurement advice to the MoD (hourly charge £1,000)...
