As we're talking hypothetically here, who ever said you would need to come down upright?
How about somehow inverting the otherwise stricken aircraft and firing the chute from the bottom?
Ceiling airbags in the cockpit/cabin could give occupants a level of protection and perhaps some kind of foam or other fire suppressant could be discharged into the engine/fuel areas to lessen the risk of a fire on impact.
Similarly, some form of external airbag - like pop out floats - could also soften the impact from the outside.
Inverting the aircraft so the chute can be fired upwards would clearly require some height but I'd imagine the technology used in ejector seats might have some use here. I believe even the Cirrus system has a relatively high minimum height for use.
The blades would stay attached but any energy left in them would be absorbed by the ground just before the fuselage hit the ground.