The Whirlwind HAS Mk. 7
(The A25 version – sung to the melody of Wilkins and his Dinah)
We flew the Mk.7, a chopper brand new,
It floated much better than it ever flew,
And it floated very badly and quickly did sink
When the engine packed up and you dropped in the drink.
Chorus:
Thank the Lord I’m alive
But I’ve still got to fill out my A25.
Westlands said the Mk.7 was the best that they had,
A right load of bollocks it was all rather sad,
The drawback it had as a flying machine.
Was it thought it was a really good submarine.
Chorus:
If you fly the Mk.7 one thing you don’t do,
Is hover o’er water or you’re in the poo,
The best cure for this problem that we’ve ever tried
Is only to hover at very low tide.
Chorus:
A look at the programme could make you feel blue
If you were down to fly Three Zero Two,
This bright shiny airplane so neat and so trim
Just wanted to go for a refreshing swim.
Chorus:
Now just off Gibraltar young Frank Simpkin’s crew
Prepared to go dunking the ball, just as you do.
When the throttle jammed up, and the stick went all slack,
“Hey, it’s bloody wet in here!” cried a voice from the back.
Chorus:
And then to old Singapore we drew near,
Chunky Allen thought he had nothing to fear,
But Three Zero Two thought in that tropical heat
The crew could just do with a’ paddling their feet.
Chorus:
And when we got airborne we couldn’t fly for long
With too much Avgas on things quickly went wrong
With the wind down the flight deck a take-off’s no bother
But when dunking our balls, well we just couldn’t hover.
Chorus:
The problem with so little fuel in the tank
Was that the fuel gauges were also damned dank.
As 824 Squadron found to their cost
The engine’d go quiet and the chopper was lost.
Chorus:
With much modification the engine was cursed
But it didn’t get better it only got worse.
With blue, red and yellow spots the engine was seen,
To show just how far modified it had been.
Chorus:
And so hover trials we did day after day,
It got pretty boring is the best I can say,
But sixty percent of Mark Seven’s were lost
To the bottom of the sea at extremely great cost.
Chorus:
The end of this story of things that have been
They retired what was left of this sad old machine.
And so came in the new Wessex Mark One
And flying a chopper once more became fun.
Chorus:
Thank the Lord I’ve retired
And I don’t have to fill in an A25.