Believe it or not, I just took the time to read the entire thread. I'm neither experienced enough nor close enough to the subject matter to offer any kind of opinion.
I would say however, that every once in a while I think we yanks could learn a thing or two from the old world about how to approach an almost impossibly contentious issue with tact (with a few exceptions, obviously).
Also, of course, sympathy from across the atlantic for the bereaved.