In your profile it states occupation: aviation but what is it you do?
You failed to mention how many hours you have or how much you fly.
I started with glider flying prior to powered flight. I was always anxious before the flight, sometimes even scared.
Powered flight wasn't much better, almost tired from anticipation prior to the flight. After I got my PPL and flew the 30hrs/year like everybody else I usually couldnt sleep the day before a planned flight.
Get to the airport and make stupid mistakes out of nervousness.
Like strapping in while leaving the key inside, forgetting shocks, flooding engines and burning up starters.
Now?
10,000 hrs and 20 years later I look back on it and consider it "normal" for an inexperienced pilot. Well maybe not even a pilot yet. Just somebody with a flying license.
It's like taking a boat out on your own or going diving on your own.
It takes time before you realize that you can accept and control risk to an acceptable standard.
You have to see it this way; if you drive trucks for a living you'll be seeing a lot more accidents and stupidity that if you only drive a car for recreation once every three weeks.You'll have a lot more going wrong too.
their parent's hard-earned life savings to go from zero to hero, only to discover halway into their training that aviation is not really what they hoped/thought/seen in movies...
There is another reason for not paying large amounts upfront.