This is a truly excellent question and something you really need to research. I understand some of your concerns, but please please please do your research before making the bold and sweeping statements about the ME. I don't live there now but did a while ago and intend on returning as I much prefer it to where I live now.
...would like to know how other American wives/sig others feel about living in a country where females are looked at as nothing more than being 'owned'
You are not owned, nor is any woman. As a note, you can't (legally) live together unless you are married, so forget significant other!
...the violence against them (stoned if thought to have an affair or other wrong deeds)
Where did you get this from? Yes, sexual relations outside marriage is illegal, so don't do it, and a brief stint in prison, a few weeks or so, is possible followed by deportation, but really, you gonna do that to hubby?
I am not a 21 year old who is wild and impulsive
Then please do some serious research and come back and ask your questions. We'll all be happy to help you with your questions and concerns.
I understand that we can live on the 'compound', but I still don't think I would feel safe.
I never lived in a compound out there, just an apartment building which had Arabs, Asians, Westerners etc... never had such an amazing and QUIET bunch of neighbours, and safe? You'll struggle to find a safer urban environment anywhere in the world.