This week in Oz - Bread and Circuses
Well life this week in OZ life seems to have revolved around food in strange and interesting ways, from the gastronomic delights of burnt offerings at the Lodge for the circus performers to St. Alan engaged in a culinary cook-off aided by Oz’s very own Boy Scout, Dickie Smith. Early closing time in Sydney again brought out the wowsers and we were truly delighted to hear that Asian restaurants were coming to airports everywhere to provide a new slant on the current international cuisine already on offer. The fact that daily the punters were losing their meal tickets seemed to escape the attention of the Circus management.
We began early in the week with her magnificence, the Girrard, fresh from scrum practice with the AFPs best ruckmen at the Lodge Restaurant in Canberra, preferring a barbeque on Sunday at the Lodge with members of the troupe to any more going out, paper and pens were being provided for the kiddies to play with. I am told that it was all about how they could get Wayne’s kitchen working and how to get more pork pies to the punters. Ringmaster Albo was glad of a respite from his nocturne slumbers being disturbed by those new Middle Eastern neighbours. Little Kev was a no show, as he wasn’t quite sure what was to go on the spit, he decided that something more European was more to his taste.
The Flying Circus gave its first performance on Monday and for a while it seemed that things might get a bit more aeronautical the matter of food reasserted itself. In early pre show announcements, Albo told the audience that they will be installing x-ray machines in all Australian pubs to amuse the morons and the need for these gizmo’s had nothing to do with his long lunches at the US Consulate in Sydney.
On the same Monday, St Alan was forced once again to go on a pilgrimage to the big top and on to Oz’s own stone henge on the round hill in Canberra and forced to do some dancing before Biffo Heff and Krafty Nick. St. Alan was again whingeing about having the golden chain removed from the Roo, because it might die or otherwise he is going to have to sell it and the orange Pavlova machine to some Chinese restaurant owner when he wants to go all Asian anyway. Trouble is nobody, starting with the Russians, is interested in kangaroo or pub meals at the moment. Biffo and Krafty were kept in check by the bouncer at the Estimates tavern, Searly. There were prayers given for the aerial acts success and It seems there was a great deal of confusion about future performances. Krafty Nick reckons it’s was a good idea to have someone up front for the aerial act who actually knows you keep the blue bit up the top and how to do it but Albo and the rest of the troupe think as long as the punters are happy and none of the act fall on the audience it will be all good besides aerial acts are a dime a dozen overseas. St. Alan returned to Sydney town for things more culinary that evening with a cook up to show the range of Irish cuisine he knew about; Q-Soup, burnt kanga and orange pavlova. Dickie Smith gave him a cool hundred grand to stop and refused to eat the roo, seems he’s gone all vegan.
Albo, obviously intoxicated with the success of the Girrards barbeque also let it be known that early closing was here to stay in NSW and preferable all of Australia and reckoned he had a good idea but was waiting on someone to give it to him but never mind if they just moved the pub out to Badgery’s creek it all be good again in Marrickville. Albo also let on that some gang called the Emirates are going to end up in court for not leaving the pub on time. Seems nobody has worked out there are no early closing pubs overseas and when Mr Wu or Mr Li are short of a few customers they just come on down and help themselves to the Kanga’s dinner, if reports are to be believed they want the orange pavlova as well. In the parallel universe we were entertained by glossies and magic lantern shows on every corner letting us know about the new flash scooters and mystery ships to provide as much take-away as us Ozzies want. So, it seems, as any old crusty was more than happy to tell you, once the Mach numbers were right on a long night, that the three iron laws of physics; murphy’s law, sods law and the law of embuggerance, cannot not be defied.
Ominously, the comparison between an A380 and things European generally could not have escaped one’s attention either and as usual turbulence over the subcontinent and emanating further east was being to blame for all those unexpected cracks in the new European model. The Greeks were still trying to find the money for the excess baggage their relatives had taken. At least now the French Cozzie has stopped calling Angela a fat arse things have settled down a bit in first class but a NOTAM continues for severe turbulence west of the Himalayas and extending into high northern latitudes. No news from German engineers on the fuel system and Greek passengers are still refusing to only carry 5 kg each on any future flights and it seems there is now no way of getting the excess baggage or pax off the current flight without a savage decompression. Consensus is that PIGS should not be allowed to fly anyway.
It also happened to emerge that the indefatigable Mr Wu of the Peoples We Own Everything Airlines Conglomerate said they were not going to pay for those non-smoking areas when visiting the Euro seems they are not interested in picking up the Euro bus bills either. Not to be outdone the Girrard and Wayne have decided that the best way to get more punters to the show schedule this year is to put a surcharge on everything and have non-smoking everywhere in Oz a national priority, apparently they thought Mr Wu had been saying the Chinese were giving up smoking as well.
Finishing up the week one can’t help but be struck how the word Mac continues to be synonymous with crap, be it merchant banks, restaurants or govamint clowns. And who would have thought that ‘the’ Big Mac or as it is more affectionately known, the silver date, would be totally reliant on the Sydney pub for an income. There are a few observers who reckon they should call in the Geoff to teach them a thing or two about pubs after all wasn’t that the business model he used so well on Australia’s Overseas Airline and at the Wagga Inn?
And so that was the week that was in OZ and aviation it seems, so it is time to say goodbye and good evening for this week . Yes and your right, it is all bollocks.