bemused1812,
I'd say what you need is a good SOP. Most flight schools have this. Normally as a picture of a traffic pattern with comments along side with guidance of what track/speed/configuration to use. Not sure what aircraft you check out on, but I have a traffic pattern profile for C172 if you'd like it sent over. PM me if so. Not sure if it will confuse you even more or point you in the right direction.
The traffic pattern is really easy for someone who knows how to fly, but I agree that without clear instructions HOW TO do it, it can become very confusing. This can be a big problem when a training organisation lack good SOP and standardisation among instructors. There are many ways to skin a cat, none necessarily wrong just different.