RAF Schools
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All the staff, apart from the manual workers, would be trained teachers.
Most of them would go through the RAF teacher training courses at massive expense, teach for one tour and then, just as they become productive, do a tour of three years in a non teaching post, such as pupil admin or management of the teachers who are actually teaching.
There would be cultural exchange visits to other schools and exchange postings to schools in other countries so that some teachers could learn how to teach subjects in other languages, and on returning from this tour, the teacher would do a staff tour in which they would forget all they had learned about teaching, and need a refresher course before being allowed into a classroom again. Every tour of teaching would be followed by a non teaching tour of such delights as media manager or working on recruiting students for the schools.
The vast majority of teachers in a school would not teach. Teachers would train to teach Nautical Studies, despite not having any boats. All classrooms would be equipped with state of the art electronic whiteboards that only the pupils know how to work. This technology drive will consume all of the money to the point where there is no budget left to heat and light the classrooms so some have to be mothballed.
Every now and then, visiting royalty would pop in and ask to be able to teach the kids for an afternoon. The headmaster would feel too intimidated to refuse this permission, so he tells the teacher to step outside. Teacher knopws if he refuses he will become a school secretary and never stand in front of a class of children again. The VIP would then tell the children that 2+2 equals 5, because as we all know, the whole is greater than the sum of all its parts. The kids all fail their maths GCSE. The press get a hold of this and so the Teacher, and the Janitor get a kipper in their file for piss poor judgement. VIP is allowed to walk away blameless, Headmaster gets a Knighthood.
At some point the new schools would place a huge contract for new classrooms, based on refurbished wooden cabins that were built for school overflow classrooms in the early 1970s. Baron Waste o'Space would submit a quote for refurbishing them, with a caveat that if the RAF don't take them and use them, they still need to pay for ten years of maintenance from day of delivery.
The RAF send a bunch of teachers to supervise the building refurbishment and lots of the teachers on this project soon leave the RAF to become builders. After some years of making doors, they discover that not all the doorframes are the same size, and the windows let the rain in. Cabins are delivered with bits of paper in the doorframe saying “Door to be fitted here shortly” in place of actual doors. The cabins are fantastic inside, leather seats, state of the art electronic teaching aids and apart from letting the wind and rain in, a joy to work in.
Senior management then decide to abandon the additional classrooms and pay the Baron to destroy the cabins. Most of the teachers who are current at actually teaching children to learn something, along with janitors and dinner ladies, are then made redundant.
Massive numbers of staff would be trained as teachers but then, as they arrive at the OCU for their second stage of training to learn how to teach specific subjects, the admin branch would realise they had no room for any more courses at the OCU and make the newly (almost) trained teachers redundant. The OCUs also ditch people within weeks of completing their specialist training as there are no classrooms for them to teach in.
Most importantly, the upper levels of the teaching staff would all be based in a "Command" building on a site with no classrooms
Funniest thing I have ever read on here!
Sad though.
lsh
