Each class would be taught by a head of year. Each head of year would be a headmaster, the headmaster would be SoS for Education.
The school secretary would hold similar influence to the headmasters' running each year.
There would be a caretaker for each room in the school.
The teaching staff would not socialise - or even talk, with the caretakers.
There would be more school bus drivers than students.
The there would be a similar number of school security guards. One would be an ex Met Police Commissioner, the remaining 200 would be pri**s.
The PE teacher would be despised by the remaining teaching staff (They didn't sign up to have to work alongside a PE teacher)
The school would place an order and spend most of its budget on ipad 1's, just as the ipad 2's come onto the shelves.
The school would have an electronic sign at the gate, telling arrivals how much electricity has been saved that month (used to put a smile on my face each time I arrived at Odiham!)
The school staff would happily sh*t on their colleagues at the school down the road, just to get that extra pack of A4 paper.
The other two schools down the road would snigger and laugh at the school for not being a real teaching establishment.